How do you celebrate yourself?

For an American this might sound silly but before my (American) friend and coach asked me how I am celebrating my successes, I didn’t know what she meant.

Maybe it’s due to my German growing up or just the environment I grew up in, but the norm is that everything just has to be working well and you need to keep up the good work. No pat on the shoulder, no “pride”, no words of affirmation. I would also say that most Germans have a complicated relationship with the word “pride” but this is for another time.

Celebration of your successes sounds simple, just go have a drink with friends, take some time off, treat yourself. But these actions have no meaning if the concept of celebration hasn’t arrived in your whole system of beliefs, thoughts and feelings. At least this is the case for me. On a cerebral level I understand that celebrating is part of taking care of yourself and boosting your confidence. Just demanding all the time performance from yourself and pushing yourself is going to end up in burn-out or depression. You can’t just take all the time, I get that part.

But padding yourself on the back seems to feel wrong. Saying “I did great work today” can be overshadowed by believing “But I have not finished all the work ergo no point of celebration”. Maybe you see where I am going with this, I need to belief and feel that celebration of my successes is part of me and how I operate in this world.

It helps me to think back on a time when I have done it. Spoiler: It’s not the celebration of graduation from University – there was none. Everyone finished with their thesis at different times, and again – you passed, so why celebrate?

It was climbing. I am a climber and I love climbing rocks, pushing myself, solving problems and learning new movements and what’s going on in my mind.

There is this 900 ft climb in Montana (technically Wyoming) that I got on early after moving to the US, maybe it was 2020. At that point I just learned how to traditional climb but was already an experienced sport climber. I got up the route several times always following a stronger climber but never being able to free all the moves1 (if you want to know what this means click the footnote). The route has beautiful and strenuous movements, a mix of slab, technical and crack climbing. But since it is mostly traditional, one needs to have the energy to place one’s own gear and be okay with long run-outs. I would say that the falls would not be consequential, but I know of a friend who blew a piece and took a 30 ft fall and stopped trad climbing after that (there is a bolt now).

One time back in 2021, after some major successes in trad climbing but also a bad accident where I ended up with a broken tibula, I lead the first pitch of the climb and totally broke out in tears. I took some time placing a piece that felt pretty far away from the last one, not a fun place to fall. I wouldn’t die, I would maybe hurt myself. After I placed the piece and took on it, I just couldn’t keep climbing. My heart rate was high, I was hyper ventilating and unable to move my body more up the wall, I was like frozen, paralyzed. When I came down, I was disappointed in myself to have such a break-down and luckily my friend was very supportive and reminded me of my previous accident.

After that event I climbed the route maybe one or two more times as the follower, but I always had this huge respect for anyone who could be in the front and lead it. In 2023 I decided to take this climb as my “project” and give it some honest efforts. I climbed it three times over three weeks with different partners and was amazed by the process I was making. Sections that had felt impossible before, just worked and I could even lead them. On my third try I shared the lead and free climbed all pitches, I was happy and exhausted.

This personal success led to a mind of celebration. The next time out climbing in different areas, I was able to let go of my pressure to perform. I just felt at ease with myself, allowing myself to just have fun, enjoy the movement, take falls if I wanted to and not if I didn’t want to.

To me, celebration settled in my whole body and mind. I was good enough and I didn’t had to prove anyone. I felt relaxed and content with what I did or saw. I didn’t feel judged by others, I just didn’t bother about what someone might be thinking. I like this state of mind and the ease and confidence in the world that comes with it.

Now, I don’t want to achieve a major accomplishment to give myself some slack. Knowing that I am able to celebrate success and have done it before, helps me to let the concept of celebration sink in to all parts of my body and mind.

1

A crash-course for non-climbers: free climbing: climbing while only using the rock with your hands and feet, you can’t pull on something that’s not rock. sport climbing: your safety is pre-placed (drilled) metal in the rock and permanent equipment. traditional (trad) climbing: you place your own safety equipment and remove it when your done. gear: a piece of equiment that secures your rope on the wall and (hopefully) holds you when you fall

A pitch: a section of climbing not more then a rope-length

Multi-pitch: you connect several of those pitches to climb many rope lengths